Sunday, November 7, 2010

Agility. Grace. Balance.

Three things that I clearly do not possess. 

Have you ever slipped on a patch of ice?  Or watched someone else slip?  I have decided, based on many years of observations and hand-on experiences, that there are two ways to handle such an attack of gravity.  And individuals tend to lean towards one of these two tactics.

The first style is very similar to that of a toddler resisting being dragged to bed early, or that of a peaceful protester being removed by the authorities.  Go Limp. Dead Weight.  You feel yourself falling/slipping/losing control, and simply allow gravity to take over.  The theory is that there is nothing to be done to prevent the fall, therefore you should simply go with the flow, as it were. 

The second style, one I find myself employing in any situation where my feet are no longer solidly on the ground, is the Flail and Panic.  This technique involves wrenching one's body in ways a contortionist would envy and swinging your arms and either leg not on said slippery surface in all directions in a frenzied attempt to not land on one's posterior.  This tends to do more damage than good.  You may not end up on your tuchis, but you will pull every muscle, tear every tendon, and wring every joint involved. 

I only bring this up because it happened to me today. 

Not on some ice outside, but in my own shower. 

Agility.  Grace.  Balance.

Not me.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Rant of a Rant. or something to that end.

I recently finished reading the book Waiter Rant, based off of the blog Waiter Rant.  I picked it up at the AWESOME Half Price Books we discovered a few months ago.  I had heard of the book before, not paying it much attention.  But when I saw it this time, I felt it was speaking to me.  I mean, I Wait Tables now.  I am a Waitress.  The author and I were in a brotherhood of sorts. (Waiterhood?) There was a big build-up to this book for me. 

I was disappointed.

I've read other books written from blogs (Jen Lancaster's series based on her blog Jennsylvania makes me cackle out loud continuously), but Waiter Rant spent a good portion of it's pages talking about how hard it is to work and try to meet a deadline at the same time, or how no one the author worked with knew what he was going through trying to write a book. I thought I was reading a book about waiting tables.  Hopefully a snarky one, based on the title.  But instead of Waiter Rant, I feel like I got Writer Whine.

He also bitched about having such dreadfully slow nights sometimes so as to only take home a couple of hundred dollars in a shift. 
Excuse Me, but Fuck Off.  Not all wait staff are so lucky as to work in a place where a multiple-hundred dollar evening is even possible, let alone call that a "slow night".

(that's my little Waitress Rant)

I hit a point a few chapters in where I wanted to continue reading with a red pen in hand.  I am a big nerd for proper grammar and spelling; mine may not always be perfect, but I try.  However, when paying money for and consequently spending my time reading a supposedly professionally edited work, I expect proper use of then/than.

(that's my little WordNerd Rant)

His descriptions of the customers were universal (at least from what I've experienced), and at times, hysterical.  So he gets points for that.

I'll probably continue to read the WaiterRant blog, but I won't be buying his next book.