Am I on Candid Camera?

me, at the restaurant, being my chipper waitress self:  Hi!  how are you doing tonight?  Can I get you something to drink?

customer:  No.  I'll just have water.

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me, to the runner at the theatre:  I need a gallon of white elastomeric roofing compound.  has to be white.  if they don't have it, I want joint compound. ok?

runner, writing it down:  sure!  elastomeric.  white.

half an hour later he returns with four tubes of black caulking.  and a caulk gun.  really proud of himself.

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me, handing a paint card to the girl at the paint counter at Big Do-It-Yourself Store:  I need five gallons of this color in high gloss.

girl with far off look in her eyes: did you want that in separate gallons?

me:  oh, can you do that color in a five gallon bucket? (it's usually cheaper if you buy one fiver as opposed to 5 ones)

girl: not in that brand...

me: ok, but in the other brand it will still be high gloss?

girl: ....not in a five gallon bucket....

me, wondering why she brought it up in the first place: ok.... i need five gallons of THAT color in HIGH gloss.  however you have to do it.  thanks.

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lady at table, ordering lunch: Does your tuna salad have onions in it?

me: yes

lady: oh god, then I can't have that, onions would kill me.  I'll have the ::some other sandwich::

me: great, and what would you like for a side dish?

lady:  oooh, onions rings would be great, thanks!

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production manager: So, when are you going to start painting that drop?

me: well, they haven't given me a paint elevation yet, so I have no idea what it looks like.  I can't paint it til they tell me what it's supposed to be.

pm: yeah.

~~~~~